Dec 31, 2012

New Year's Resolutions.

1. Become better at time management, stop procrastinating and stay focused.
2. Eat healthier, exercise more and sleep earlier.
3. Be more organized and on top of things.
4. Become more independent and stop getting so attached.
5. Be more positive in general.
6. Be a better person and friend.
7. Stop overreacting to everything.
8. Be more creative.
9. Take more risks.
10. Go with the flow and enjoy life.

Oct 28, 2012

What are you afraid of?

Today consisted of college apps, almost car accidents to the Field of Terror, people with masks and chainsaws, sugar dusted funnel cake, a lost token, flashing lights and Lunchables for dinner.

Haven't felt this carefree and happy in a while, probably because I released all of my pent up stress from screaming but now it's back to college apps.

Oct 19, 2012

We can’t define what it means to be human, but we know it when we feel it.

                   - Andre Halaw (Thanks Karen.)

Most of the time, I view emotions as a weakness.  Life would be easier without feelings and far less painful. I forget that this is what makes us humans.

It's the people who you don't expect and who don't expect it themselves. It is almost 1:00 am and I need to start my homework but I can't stop thinking about it all. No one understands anyone else completely and I'm sure I don't understand myself fully either. It was just one casual assignment so why did it affect me so much.

I'm not sure why I put up walls. I'm not sure if I even have walls. I don't know why I can't talk about my feelings or why the thought of hugging or holding hands with someone sometimes makes me uncomfortable as well. 

In the end, the college I go to won't matter. My high school grades really won't matter. As said by Karen, the past and future are just concepts and the only thing we know is the present. 

And I said, I'm lonely. And I don't like it. I don't like being alone. But we live alone, we die alone. Everything else is just an illusion.  

Oct 14, 2012

For the barefoot explorers and late night chocolate eaters.

Photo by Nick Gerber.
Always inspired by people. I just want a life where I can experience everything. Listen to live music, star gaze, travel, learn, meet people and the list goes on. The only thing is though, when things overwhelm me, I just ignore them. This is probably the reason why I am the most skilled procrastinator. Small steps.

Oct 13, 2012

Our thoughts are stars.

Advice from John Green:

  • Study broadly and without fear.
  • Learn a new language if you can, because that will make your life more interesting.
  • Read a little bit every day.
  • Surround yourself with people you like and make cool stuff with them.
That plus the combination of the two TED Talks I watched and a ton of late night thinking has concluded in change. Change in my perspective, my room and even Jezie Jewelry. I just need to figure it all out. More importantly, I need to force myself to stop putting off college apps.

Oct 5, 2012

Night time sympathize, I've been working on white lies.

I'm listening to the xx on repeat and trying to avoid all of my thoughts. Am I going to make a grand mistake or create something lasting. To be honest, I am worn down and tired of talking and thinking about this all. Am I going to risk it all for something that could be great. Is it even great? Will I finally stop imitating and timid. I don't know at all.

Oct 2, 2012

Imitation / Originality.

I am too easily influenced - influenced by people, ideas and society in general. I spend so much time imitating because of my fear of failure and the unknown.  It's the feeling of being lost that leads me to imitation, instead of embracing the risks that come with originality. With that said, in the future I'll be stronger and braver, creating new ideas and being the inspiration for other people.

Along with originality comes wit and creativity. I have realized that the more you put yourself out there, the easier it is to be creative. I envy those who are quick minded and intelligent, able to think of outside the box answers in a split second while I sit here for hours with cliche and boring responses. Perhaps my lack of risk-taking has a role in my lack of creativity because for the past sixteen years of my life I've lived timidly, never participating or volunteering. Maybe this is why I'm stuck with essay ideas that resemble those of every other high school senior applying to college.

If you're not willing to risk it all, you don't want it bad enough.

Sep 30, 2012

Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall.

Late night run to get cupcakes from Small World Coffee with Hannah on Friday, September 28th.
Yesterday consisted of pictures on the Princeton University campus, dinner at PJ's Pancake House, wandering around Princeton and discussions of the future.

Sep 24, 2012

Young and foolish still.

I wish to do anything and everything.

Sep 23, 2012

When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend.

Currently fighting my complete lack of motivation. I have no ambition or an urge to pursue anything. Distracted by petty high school drama and lack of aim. What am I doing. DO BETTER.

Sep 18, 2012

And none of these involved sneaking out of your house at two in the morning.

 Main Street for lunch with Hannah on Sunday, September 16th.
Yesterday consisted of handmade stickers, apple cider and donuts, giant pumpkins, ice cream, long phone calls and late night musings.
Today consisted of eel and avocado sushi, getting lost in a parking lot and salted caramel mocha.

I don't like the place I'm in, head space within the hardwood and the ceiling.

Sep 15, 2012

This is the essence of blogging.

Nowadays, people blog to become famous - to gain internet stardom and the riches that come with it. I like this blog because it's solely for myself and my thoughts, uncorrupted by my selfish pursuits for fame and fortune.

Remember how we used to party up all night, sneaking out and looking for a taste of real life.

I have so many thoughts on everything that I am too overwhelmed to put anything into words.
  • The stereotypical idea that comes to mind of a fun teenage existence consists of late night adventures and crazy parties with friends, like the lyrics suggested by Lana Del Rey in her song "This Is What Makes Us Girls". I became consumed with this idea that it made me lose myself and forget that hanging out with your friends is supposed to be genuinely fun and not just portray the idea of fun.
  • That being said, I lost myself in a specific group of friends because they did things that the general teenage population viewed as fun. I think I subconsciously wanted people to look and think, look at all the fun they're having. Unconsciously, I think everyone wants to be envied. Looking back, it wasn't worth the heartache of not being invited to events.I should not have been so caught up with such a superficial thing.
  • I've slowly realized that I need to stop doing things because of the idea behind them but for the sake of doing them. In fact, if I actually accepted this idea, I would have more fun than I would have doing it for the idea. Am I in love with the idea of adventure more than adventure itself?
For some reason, it took me so many tears and so much pain for me to finally come to the conclusion that I need to "stop pursuing and start being" as stated by Karen Reyes. Because it's not what people think of you or how society perceives you but how you feel yourself. I need to just be in the moment and stop thinking about what it appears to look like to others. I tried too hard to have society's version of fun when it should have been based on myself. It is, however, easier said than done. My personality lends itself to dreaming and falling in love with ideas. I am in love with the idea of adventure, of fun. Of the late nights and the reckless fun. Of French macarons, bookshelves and even photographs.

Sep 14, 2012

You didn't write, you didn't call, it didn't cross your mind at all.

Why do I find myself evaluating the people I am friends with at least once a week. To be honest I'm actually really sick of it all. High school superficiality.

Cut it off, let it go. I'll be out of here in another year anyways. Isolating myself until I'm in a better place.

Sep 4, 2012

I dream of:

  • road trip adventures and visiting every thrift store along the way
  • gala parties that require floor length gowns and false eyelashes
  • french macarons and gold leaf desserts
  • backstage passes to concerts
  • fancy restaurants and eight course meals
  • shelves of rare and old books
  • hole in the wall hangouts with tea and food
  • invitations to exclusive events and shows
  • meeting exciting people, living in the city and having the time of my life

Lack of wit, lack of aim.

I am mediocre at best.

Sep 3, 2012

Here is the truth about September:

It sneaks up on you and all of a sudden it's autumn
and you don't know what to do with your recently orphaned August daydreams
so you tuck them between the pages of brand new notebooks
and leave them in the corners of your sweatshirt pockets to gather lint
and you set them on fire until all the trees are smoldering red and orange and yellow.

Anna Peters perfectly captured that wistful feeling of the end of summer and the transition back to school.

Sep 1, 2012

We should stay stuck in the moment.

Today consisted of productivity, the regular stop for grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches, an accidental encounter with saddles and authentic riding boots, finger dancing out car windows, an underground tea house and live street music.

Aug 31, 2012

I hate everyone, including myself.

Somehow, watching Honey Boo Boo Child on YouTube led to a video of a man who was deathly afraid of peaches, which led to a man who claimed he was a white man stuck in a black person's body which led to Tyra's 60 minute discussion about African American hair and the realization that society sucks.

We are so caught up on appearances and superficiality to the point where it's actually detrimental; life would be so much easier, not to mention nicer, if people were brought up to be accepting of others and most importantly themselves. How did beauty end up being so important in a person's life when clearly intelligence, skill and creativity are worth so much more. Why do I hate my short eyelashes and round nose because magazines and celebrities depict something else as beautiful? Why is a mother perming her three year old daughter's hair? Better yet, why did a bullied girl get plastic surgery to fix her "deformities" aka large ears. The fact that the plastic surgeon would call these deformities actually disgusts me because she, like myself and many others, is still at an awkward stage which she will outgrow. Plastic surgery is unnecessary and actually dumb. I still can't wrap my mind around the idiocy that is our nation.

I am actually the part of society that sucks. Although I have definitely improved since I was little, I am still quick to judge and stereotype. After some thought, I realize it's actually a ruthless cycle. Celebrities and models cake on the makeup and constantly watch their weight because society is quick to critique them if they don't. As a result, the people in society only see these picture perfect people which places even more emphasis on superficial beauty. Even worse, the people that do have the courage to go against this are vastly misunderstood. For example, Charlavail and Miley Cyrus both chopped off their hair only to get endless criticism and harsh words for going against the norm.

Why do I frequently visit and Perezhilton to stalk celebrities and their perfect lives. They are in fact, just people. Why do I care so much about these few select people. Why do I want to be a Jenner or a Kardashian when they have no talent or intelligence. Famous for being famous. What better people to be than John Green or J.K. Rowling - intellectuals as well as truly good people. With this in mind, since I am still young and impressionable, maybe I will learn to be more accepting both of others as well as myself.

Aug 30, 2012

So much ambition but no motivation.

  • where I could be.

  • where I should be.

  • where I am.

Aug 27, 2012

I am a walking cliche.

It sucks to suck.

Aug 25, 2012

Leave the weeping to the willow trees and throw tears into the sea.

Because I ruined my sleeping schedule yet again, I spent a majority of last night thinking mainly about imitation and originality. Somehow, I got so caught up in imitation that I lost all creativity in general. So in an effort to change this, I am now going to stick to what I like and what I create instead of being caught up in everything else. Lose the fear or else I'm never going to get anywhere.

Aug 24, 2012

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.

I spend too much time online and not enough outside.
I spend too much time wishing and not enough doing.
I spend too much time imitating and not enough creating.

So basically, if I just got my act together, I could accomplish everything that I want to accomplish.  Instead, I waste countless hours of my life doing who knows what instead of actually working.

  • academics
  • college apps
  • jezie jewelry
  • a polished jezie
  • gym / health
  • lookbook
  • the derivative
  • screenprinting
  • art + photography
  • sewing, knitting and baking
  • diy projects
  • concerts
  • road trips / travel
  • 365daysofjezie

Aug 20, 2012

Hong Kong and these city lights.

Reasons why I am so in love with cities.

Young and stupid still.

This blog, in actuality, is a personal blog and to be honest it kind of makes me uncomfortable that other people read it.

Realizing that it's actually quite possible to achieve greatness once you disregard all the trivial matters that come with the teen years. Take, for example, the blog that Karen just showed me as well as the ultimate multitasker that is Olivia Lo.

1. Stop procrastinating. Laziness might be my ultimate vice in life. For some reason, it is basically impossible for me to freaking start my work on time and as a result I will die much earlier than my peers from lack of sleep. If I really did stop procrastinating, I could accomplish so much more.

2. Stop being so attached to the Internet and social media. The world right now revolves around communications through the computer screen. Pointless communications. Why are we so obsessed with Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr. It is taking over my life.

3. Avoid drama and petty worries. With the high school years comes infatuations, arguments and overthinking. Maybe it is best to just let go of the superficiality that is so prevalent in this town. Everyone has ulterior motives. Befriend sincere people.

4. Learn time management and focus more. If I would just fix my attention span, I could probably be way more productive and spend less time on things. But even as I'm writing this blog post I'm pointlessly checking my email, aka I suck.

5. Finish things that I start. It has become a habit of mine to quit things after I start them without ever finishing. If I would just stick to the things I do, I could maybe actually get somewhere in life.

6. Balance work with play. I think that sacrificing everything for grades or academics would be a big regret later on in life. After all, you're never going to be a teen again and you don't want to remember your teenage years as filled with suffering, allnighters and anguish. To be honest, in twenty years, I'm not sure where you went to college will even matter that much. In addition to academics, read books, watch tv shows and movies, work on Jezie Jewelry, take art, photography and pastry classes, become a licensed nail technician, learn how to skateboard, freaking figure out how to use photoshop, start a nail polish blog and lookbook, travel and hang out with friends.

Get focused.
Get independent.
Get original.

Aug 12, 2012

I only stare at stars and trip on sidewalks.

Yesterday consisted of fancy gym equipment resembling torture devices, oatmeal with granola and brown sugar, a mission to find fresh mozzarella, handmade sandwiches with handpicked tomatoes and attempts at the library to read classic American literature.

Aug 10, 2012

Across the globe to China.

The friendliest dog at the company I interned for.

Three day old twin baby goats at the organic farm owned by a family friend.

Wind and water.
Went back to the roots and met my grandmother's brother's family (and cat).
The view of Shanghai from the 101st floor.

Time does not exist, clocks do.

Time is a concept that we, as humans, have created. It escapes us as the days pass by and the past days turn into blurs in our memories.

Today consisted of grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches, two libraries - a children's science center and the tower room, mango lemonade, rainstorms, new discoveries of Princeton eateries concluded with an amazing book collection and breakfast for dinner.

Aug 9, 2012

Not me, I fear life.

" ‘I read this quote once when I was a kid, “We live alone, we die alone, everything else is just an illusion', it used to keep me up at night, we all die alone, so why am I supposed to spend my life working, sweating, struggling for an illusion? " - George Zinavoy
The Art of Getting By is one of my favorite movies. Truly and honestly, is there a purpose to the life we live? Being agnostic, I don't believe in Heaven or Hell or an afterlife in general. Animals don't have afterlives and humans aren't any different or more special. We tend to forget that we are not superior and we are not invincible. Instead, the human race in general creates its own destruction.

The purpose of life is not to be happy. We are not alive on this planet to be happy. If that was the case, people would not be killing each other because of differences in belief, people would not be starving to death from famines and there would be no war. The purpose to be happy is for the first world and for the privileged. Often, I've wondered why anything exists at all when life just results in death and everything that we have worked hard for during our lifetime will be lost. Going even broader, why does our solar system exist, our galaxy, our universe? Why is there existence at all.

Maybe the hardest thing to accept is that there really is no purpose at all.

Aug 6, 2012

Tell me your story and I'll give you a dollar.

To be honest, I could care less about cliche introductions.