Aug 30, 2013

The city of dreams, the city that never sleeps.

The past few days have consisted of exploring (and getting lost) in the city, crossing another thing off the bucket list by attending a secret show at Terminal 5, spinach salad with tomatoes, mushrooms and olive oil, repetitive conversations with faces and names I struggle to remember, watching thirty seconds of the US Open and live performances of both singing and dancing.

Today consisted of screaming at the top of everyone's lungs (West Village Stern Field Day Champions!!!), meeting Alec Baldwin on the street while he was walking his two adorable puppies, going to my first frat party consisting of puddles of beer on the floor, sweat and smoke in the air and sloppy drunks everywhere, playing drunk Jenga (while sober) at a dorm party and helping an incoherent drunk girl while eating halal food in the middle of the night.

Aug 25, 2013

Watching the present become the past.

In around eight hours, I will be moving into the college I've dreamed of attending since sophomore year. In eight hours, South Brunswick will be known as my hometown and the people I've grown up with will be known as my childhood friends. It's all surreal to realize that I'm growing up and that everyone around me is growing up and we are all going our separate ways. That today is the last day I'm sleeping in my bed in a room that is officially mine. It's so hard to process the passing of time and the realization that things are changing and what has passed is passed. I've had great memories here in this town that I used to hate. Looking back at everything that has happened since now. Even if I am no longer friends with the people of my past, they have played such a large role in my life. And it's time to stop being nostalgic over everything and stuck in the past and accept the future.

Aug 12, 2013

I could have loved you.

"You never leave existence. Nothing can ever take existence away from you. Once you are born you have existed and you can't undo that. Your energy can never be destroyed, nor your matter. Physics proves that: the law of conservation.

We all started in the same place when the universe was created. We all have parts of star matter in us. We have matter from cave men, dinosaurs, everything. It's not some crazy spiritual hippie idea. I've thought about it a lot, that's why I'm not afraid of death.

No one has ever gotten this out of me. No one has cared to listen or ask. But you got it out of me, I'm very passionate about it and you got it out.

Like I didn't know you last year and I was living my life and now I'm worried what life without you is going to be like."

One more time, sitting in a silent stare.

It's two am and I can't stop thinking about how everyone is leaving for college soon. It won't hit me fully until my friends actually start moving into their dorms. I don't even know what I will feel when that happens.

"It's just strange to see a place that I've become so accustomed to just become my past. I'm watching it become my past and I can't really do anything but accept that it's my past and those memories and those people and this time."

Revisiting my old tumblr always makes me extremely nostalgic. Seeing everything that I've gone through and experienced in high school. How much life changes and how I'm getting older and how different things are now. And how different they will be in two weeks.

Aug 11, 2013

Life is just the continuous action of leaving.

Today consisted of two door alarms in the middle of the night, chocolate chip pancakes in the morning with my favorite person, opening my first banking account, handmade sushi by my uncle, pictures on the roof overlooking the lake, being young again in a bounce house, eating an excessive amount of chocolate covered strawberries and watching the sun set on the bleachers of my old high school.

Adventures on Rooftops.

I've been spending a lot of time lately on this rooftop that overlooks the lake. It's just the perfect spot to sit, talk with friends and enjoy the view. Also one of my favorite spots to watch the sunset! These pictures were taken on July 30th, 2013 when I went with my friend Hannah.

Aug 7, 2013

Summertime Sadness.

Today consisted of the toughest cardio kickboxing class, a reunion with my favorite person, my last driving lesson, typical Tuesday sushi and ice cream dates, and lake visits/stargazing with friends who will all be going their separate ways in two weeks. Starting to realize that I will miss my high school friends. This state of transition is hard to process.

Aug 1, 2013

25 days and counting.

It didn't hit me that high school was really over and that I was going to go into college until I read a letter by an old friend.

It's crazy to think about all the people that I've met my entire life who have impacted me in any way. Some people I've grown up with, some people have helped me through tough times and hopefully, some I'll have relationships with for forever.

To the ones that I will miss, good-bye, thank you, I wish you the best. The people from Kindergarten to 12th grade are the people we have grown up with, from the simple things like learning how to read and write to studying for the SATs and making sense of calculus and various sciences.  It didn't hit me until now that everyone is going to different colleges in different locations and all going on separate paths. I might never see these people again. Even if we've drifted, had our differences or are no longer friends, I hope you all live happy lives.

An attempt to organize my own thoughts.

For a while now, I've felt stuck. Unmotivated and discontent. Always admiring the lives of other people but not doing anything productive with my own.

1. Everything looks perfect from far away. As said by Steve Furtick, "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel." From the outside, people live perfect lives but the reality is that no one does. Not even the fashion blogger who gets to travel around the world with a closet bigger than my room or the genetically blessed celebrity/model with a family who is famous for being famous.

2. Are you having a bad day or are you making it a bad day? You can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights. Life is unfair and hard work doesn't guarantee success but sometimes successful people aren't the happiest. It's all weird and confusing. I need to learn how to value relationships, people and experiences over material possessions and superficial ideas.

3. Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. Can't rely on other people because there's only so much they can do. At the end of the day it's up to you.

4. The beauty of things is that they must end. Everything in life comes to an end. Currently transitioning from high school to college. Coming to terms with the end of my childhood. In the future, I'll face many more, ultimately ending with death. And that's what gives life meaning.

"The gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment may be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again."  - The Illiad, Homer