Mar 29, 2013

Doing something for the sake of doing something.

 On March 24th my friend Victoria and I had a DIY day and I made a flower crown and she made pennant banners. My uncle and cousin also brought home a red velvet cupcake from House of Cupcakes, which was a pleasant surprise.
On March 26th my friends Hannah, Janine and I cooked our own lunch. We made Portobella mushroom pizzas, had fresh squeezed juice, drank tea and ate yogurt and a cannoli that was dropped off by one of my favorite people.

Confusion before the calm.

1. I haven't followed any of my New Year's Resolutions. In fact, I'm even less motivated than I was before. I haven't worked on anything in ages and instead I spend countless hours in bed listening to music, FaceTiming and going on Tumblr. Somehow need to find a way to regain motivation and start working hard again.

2. At the same time, Ivy Day was yesterday and so many people were rejected from their top schools. A ton of people who actually deserve to go to those schools were waitlisted or rejected. It makes me question everything because yeah, sometimes hard work doesn't pay off and it just doesn't make sense to me. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people and life doesn't make sense and karma doesn't work.

3. I am still way too attached to social media and my iPhone. What is the point in constantly refreshing my Twitter feed or Instagram every fifteen minutes? Do I need to be so informed about the lives of other people? I could be doing better things with my life. This needs to not take over my life.

4. I am also still way too attached to people. The same problems I've been having six months ago are still happening. I get stuck in a cycle of passiveness which just ends in my repeatedly getting upset. My friends are good people and good friends but sometimes crappy friends to me. Conflicted. So conflicted. I've been thinking about it for the past hour and I still can't figure it out.

5. I'm plateauing when it comes to Jezie because I haven't been putting in the effort or work. Need to come up with the next big thing or else it's just going to go downhill. Nothing comes easy. Complete lack of motivation.

6. My complete lack of motivation is actually one of my biggest struggles right now. I don't end up doing 90% of the things I say I am going to do. I'm happier when I'm productive but right now I'm too lazy to do anything besides stay in bed.

We are the reckless, we are the wild youth.

I wrote this post on March 9th and never got around to posting it until now.

I can feel childhood ending. Today I watched my sister's middle school play, All Shook Up. Nostalgic to my middle school days in Chamber Orchestra with my best friend and all of our ridiculous antics. Using fruits as code names, yellow notebooks, pacts and the cliche innocence. When I started viola in 6th grade, my orchestra teacher was unmarried. Since then, she's married the band teacher and now they have a child. Insane.

I graduate from high school in four months. In six months I will be living in the city of my dreams away from my family. Feeling such a flood of emotions that range from excitement for the future to sadness because of the end of these thirteen years of schooling. After this, I'm never going to have these experiences again. The only word to describe it is bittersweet and the only thing I can do is observe the passing of time and feel alive.

Mar 4, 2013

We lie beneath the stars at night.

Today I lay on Karen's car and we watched the stars while listening to Young Blood by The Naked and Famous. 

Constellations of stars and the fluttering lights of planes.

In the most cliche of terms, we are insignificant yet I felt so infinite.