It's two am and I can't stop thinking about how everyone is leaving for college soon. It won't hit me fully until my friends actually start moving into their dorms. I don't even know what I will feel when that happens.
"It's just strange to see a place that I've become so accustomed to just become my past. I'm watching it become my past and I can't really do anything but accept that it's my past and those memories and those people and this time."
Revisiting my old tumblr always makes me extremely nostalgic. Seeing everything that I've gone through and experienced in high school. How much life changes and how I'm getting older and how different things are now. And how different they will be in two weeks.
Aug 12, 2013
Aug 11, 2013
Life is just the continuous action of leaving.
Today consisted of two door alarms in the middle of the night, chocolate chip pancakes in the morning with my favorite person, opening my first banking account, handmade sushi by my uncle, pictures on the roof overlooking the lake, being young again in a bounce house, eating an excessive amount of chocolate covered strawberries and watching the sun set on the bleachers of my old high school.
Adventures on Rooftops.
I've been spending a lot of time lately on this rooftop that overlooks the lake. It's just the perfect spot to sit, talk with friends and enjoy the view. Also one of my favorite spots to watch the sunset! These pictures were taken on July 30th, 2013 when I went with my friend Hannah.
Aug 7, 2013
Summertime Sadness.
Today consisted of the toughest cardio kickboxing class, a reunion with my favorite person, my last driving lesson, typical Tuesday sushi and ice cream dates, and lake visits/stargazing with friends who will all be going their separate ways in two weeks. Starting to realize that I will miss my high school friends. This state of transition is hard to process.
Aug 1, 2013
25 days and counting.
It didn't hit me that high school was really over and that I was going to go into college until I read a letter by an old friend.
It's crazy to think about all the people that I've met my entire life who have impacted me in any way. Some people I've grown up with, some people have helped me through tough times and hopefully, some I'll have relationships with for forever.
To the ones that I will miss, good-bye, thank you, I wish you the best. The people from Kindergarten to 12th grade are the people we have grown up with, from the simple things like learning how to read and write to studying for the SATs and making sense of calculus and various sciences. It didn't hit me until now that everyone is going to different colleges in different locations and all going on separate paths. I might never see these people again. Even if we've drifted, had our differences or are no longer friends, I hope you all live happy lives.
It's crazy to think about all the people that I've met my entire life who have impacted me in any way. Some people I've grown up with, some people have helped me through tough times and hopefully, some I'll have relationships with for forever.
To the ones that I will miss, good-bye, thank you, I wish you the best. The people from Kindergarten to 12th grade are the people we have grown up with, from the simple things like learning how to read and write to studying for the SATs and making sense of calculus and various sciences. It didn't hit me until now that everyone is going to different colleges in different locations and all going on separate paths. I might never see these people again. Even if we've drifted, had our differences or are no longer friends, I hope you all live happy lives.
An attempt to organize my own thoughts.
For a while now, I've felt stuck. Unmotivated and discontent. Always admiring the lives of other people but not doing anything productive with my own.
1. Everything looks perfect from far away. As said by Steve Furtick, "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel." From the outside, people live perfect lives but the reality is that no one does. Not even the fashion blogger who gets to travel around the world with a closet bigger than my room or the genetically blessed celebrity/model with a family who is famous for being famous.
2. Are you having a bad day or are you making it a bad day? You can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights. Life is unfair and hard work doesn't guarantee success but sometimes successful people aren't the happiest. It's all weird and confusing. I need to learn how to value relationships, people and experiences over material possessions and superficial ideas.
3. Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. Can't rely on other people because there's only so much they can do. At the end of the day it's up to you.
4. The beauty of things is that they must end. Everything in life comes to an end. Currently transitioning from high school to college. Coming to terms with the end of my childhood. In the future, I'll face many more, ultimately ending with death. And that's what gives life meaning.
"The gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment may be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again." - The Illiad, Homer
1. Everything looks perfect from far away. As said by Steve Furtick, "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel." From the outside, people live perfect lives but the reality is that no one does. Not even the fashion blogger who gets to travel around the world with a closet bigger than my room or the genetically blessed celebrity/model with a family who is famous for being famous.
2. Are you having a bad day or are you making it a bad day? You can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights. Life is unfair and hard work doesn't guarantee success but sometimes successful people aren't the happiest. It's all weird and confusing. I need to learn how to value relationships, people and experiences over material possessions and superficial ideas.
3. Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. Can't rely on other people because there's only so much they can do. At the end of the day it's up to you.
4. The beauty of things is that they must end. Everything in life comes to an end. Currently transitioning from high school to college. Coming to terms with the end of my childhood. In the future, I'll face many more, ultimately ending with death. And that's what gives life meaning.
"The gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment may be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again." - The Illiad, Homer
Jul 15, 2013
Are you happy? No.
1. It is unbelievably easy to feel alone. The worst kind of peer pressure isn't being the only sober one at a party. It's much more gradual and it wears you down.
2. Doing things that make you happy does not mean that you are happy. Just going through the motions.
3. Everyone around me is living and I'm just floating along. Avoiding everything. Can't deal with current or future responsibilities. I just want to stay in bed all day by myself and watch tv shows and read books.
4. I have nothing to be unhappy about and yet I am.
2. Doing things that make you happy does not mean that you are happy. Just going through the motions.
3. Everyone around me is living and I'm just floating along. Avoiding everything. Can't deal with current or future responsibilities. I just want to stay in bed all day by myself and watch tv shows and read books.
4. I have nothing to be unhappy about and yet I am.
Jul 7, 2013
My fourteen year old self would be disappointed.
Over two months have passed since my last post. Going to make an effort to document more.
1. I graduated from high school. It still hasn't hit me yet so maybe it never will. Feels weird that I am now in a state of in between. I don't want to think about college responsibilities yet. Constantly avoiding everything and it'll be my downfall.
2. Somewhere along the way of my senior year I lost motivation. Instead of hanging out with friends, working on Jezie Jewelry, reading, learning, doing diy projects and living my life, I've spent the past few months idly in bed. All the time. I don't know what happened. So lazy and so unmotivated and freshmen year me would be disgusted. So many lost opportunities and lost time. I don't know what to do with myself or how to get back on track.
3. I made the mistake that I was determined I would never make and became too attached to a person. I shouldn't have to depend on anyone else for happiness. I can be happy on my own. I also have to just grow up.
4. I don't know why it's been seventeen years and I still haven't accepted that things never go according to plan. I have to stop letting it ruin my day, give me anxiety, cause stress or continuously bother me.
5. I keep saying things to the point where I believe them. I'm not as bad as I think. I can make friends in college and I'm not that annoying or hard to get along with.
6. I've become consumed and obsessed with the celebrity lifestyle and it will truly ruin my life. So materialistic and pessimistic and overall I'm becoming a bitter and horrible person.
7. I don't know what I want. Why aren't I happy.
1. I graduated from high school. It still hasn't hit me yet so maybe it never will. Feels weird that I am now in a state of in between. I don't want to think about college responsibilities yet. Constantly avoiding everything and it'll be my downfall.
2. Somewhere along the way of my senior year I lost motivation. Instead of hanging out with friends, working on Jezie Jewelry, reading, learning, doing diy projects and living my life, I've spent the past few months idly in bed. All the time. I don't know what happened. So lazy and so unmotivated and freshmen year me would be disgusted. So many lost opportunities and lost time. I don't know what to do with myself or how to get back on track.
3. I made the mistake that I was determined I would never make and became too attached to a person. I shouldn't have to depend on anyone else for happiness. I can be happy on my own. I also have to just grow up.
4. I don't know why it's been seventeen years and I still haven't accepted that things never go according to plan. I have to stop letting it ruin my day, give me anxiety, cause stress or continuously bother me.
5. I keep saying things to the point where I believe them. I'm not as bad as I think. I can make friends in college and I'm not that annoying or hard to get along with.
6. I've become consumed and obsessed with the celebrity lifestyle and it will truly ruin my life. So materialistic and pessimistic and overall I'm becoming a bitter and horrible person.
7. I don't know what I want. Why aren't I happy.
Apr 23, 2013
Struggles of an introvert.
Yesterday was Weekend on the Square, aka NYU Accepted Students Day. Along with the excitement comes the obligation to socialize with others and force conversation. Naturally, I am a shy and sometimes reticent person. For some reason, talking to others is exhausting and I'd much rather spend my time in silence. Ironically, I am majoring in Business, a career that relies on networking and making connections with people. It is unsurprising that extroverts and people with charisma strive in this field but I am left wondering, where does that leave me.
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