Jul 7, 2013

My fourteen year old self would be disappointed.

Over two months have passed since my last post. Going to make an effort to document more.

1. I graduated from high school. It still hasn't hit me yet so maybe it never will. Feels weird that I am now in a state of in between. I don't want to think about college responsibilities yet. Constantly avoiding everything and it'll be my downfall.

2. Somewhere along the way of my senior year I lost motivation. Instead of hanging out with friends, working on Jezie Jewelry, reading, learning, doing diy projects and living my life, I've spent the past few months idly in bed. All the time. I don't know what happened. So lazy and so unmotivated and freshmen year me would be disgusted. So many lost opportunities and lost time. I don't know what to do with myself or how to get back on track.

3. I made the mistake that I was determined I would never make and became too attached to a person. I shouldn't have to depend on anyone else for happiness. I can be happy on my own. I also have to just grow up.

4. I don't know why it's been seventeen years and I still haven't accepted that things never go according to plan. I have to stop letting it ruin my day, give me anxiety, cause stress or continuously bother me.

5. I keep saying things to the point where I believe them. I'm not as bad as I think. I can make friends in college and I'm not that annoying or hard to get along with.

6. I've become consumed and obsessed with the celebrity lifestyle and it will truly ruin my life. So materialistic and pessimistic and overall I'm becoming a bitter and horrible person.

7. I don't know what I want. Why aren't I happy.

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