Sorry but I'll be going places better than you ever will.

What are you afraid of?

Today consisted of college apps, almost car accidents to the Field of Terror, people with masks and chainsaws, sugar dusted funnel cake, a lost token, flashing lights and Lunchables for dinner.

Haven't felt this carefree and happy in a while, probably because I released all of my pent up stress from screaming but now it's back to college apps.

We can’t define what it means to be human, but we know it when we feel it.

                   - Andre Halaw (Thanks Karen.)

Most of the time, I view emotions as a weakness.  Life would be easier without feelings and far less painful. I forget that this is what makes us humans.

It's the people who you don't expect and who don't expect it themselves. It is almost 1:00 am and I need to start my homework but I can't stop thinking about it all. No one understands anyone else completely and I'm sure I don't understand myself fully either. It was just one casual assignment so why did it affect me so much.

I'm not sure why I put up walls. I'm not sure if I even have walls. I don't know why I can't talk about my feelings or why the thought of hugging or holding hands with someone sometimes makes me uncomfortable as well. 

In the end, the college I go to won't matter. My high school grades really won't matter. As said by Karen, the past and future are just concepts and the only thing we know is the present. 

And I said, I'm lonely. And I don't like it. I don't like being alone. But we live alone, we die alone. Everything else is just an illusion.  

For the barefoot explorers and late night chocolate eaters.

Photo by Nick Gerber.

Always inspired by people. I just want a life where I can experience everything. Listen to live music, star gaze, travel, learn, meet people and the list goes on. The only thing is though, when things overwhelm me, I just ignore them. This is probably the reason why I am the most skilled procrastinator. Small steps.

Our thoughts are stars.

Advice from John Green:

• Study broadly and without fear.
• Learn a new language if you can, because that will make your life more interesting.
• Read a little bit every day.
• Surround yourself with people you like and make cool stuff with them.

That plus the combination of the two TED Talks I watched and a ton of late night thinking has concluded in change. Change in my perspective, my room and even Jezie Jewelry. I just need to figure it all out. More importantly, I need to force myself to stop putting off college apps.

Night time sympathize, I've been working on white lies.

I'm listening to the xx on repeat and trying to avoid all of my thoughts. Am I going to make a grand mistake or create something lasting. To be honest, I am worn down and tired of talking and thinking about this all. Am I going to risk it all for something that could be great. Is it even great? Will I finally stop imitating and timid. I don't know at all.

Imitation / Originality.

I am too easily influenced - influenced by people, ideas and society in general. I spend so much time imitating because of my fear of failure and the unknown.  It's the feeling of being lost that leads me to imitation, instead of embracing the risks that come with originality. With that said, in the future I'll be stronger and braver, creating new ideas and being the inspiration for other people.

Along with originality comes wit and creativity. I have realized that the more you put yourself out there, the easier it is to be creative. I envy those who are quick minded and intelligent, able to think of outside the box answers in a split second while I sit here for hours with cliche and boring responses. Perhaps my lack of risk-taking has a role in my lack of creativity because for the past sixteen years of my life I've lived timidly, never participating or volunteering. Maybe this is why I'm stuck with essay ideas that resemble those of every other high school senior applying to college.

If you're not willing to risk it all, you don't want it bad enough.

Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall.

Late night run to get cupcakes from Small World Coffee with Hannah on Friday, September 28th.

Yesterday consisted of pictures on the Princeton University campus, dinner at PJ's Pancake House, wandering around Princeton and discussions of the future.

Young and foolish still.

I wish to do anything and everything.

When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend.

Currently fighting my complete lack of motivation. I have no ambition or an urge to pursue anything. Distracted by petty high school drama and lack of aim. What am I doing. DO BETTER.